What IS She Thinking?
by tootapanga 1
Summary: a collection of oneshots based on a qoute "no body move, i've dropped my brain' 'I'm a magical fairy' 'tel us what it feel like to live in a constant haze of stupidity.' please r and r
1. Praying

_A/N ok this is a series of one shots...with vala, each chapter i take a qoute and base a one shot around it._

_hope you enjoy it._

_also i just had my computer fixed, and i havnt got office back on here, and i'm sorry im not a great speler or grammer person anyway, but i'll fix it as soon as possible. in the mean time read and review and enjoy._

_chapter ones qoute "...oh, yes! And one more thing, dear Lord. About our enemies - ignore their heathen prayers and help us blow those little bastards straight to hell. Amen again." - Lt. Col. Hal Moore, We Were Soldiers_

'what are they doing?' vala questioned

'shh' daniel replied as he bowed his head

'dont you shh me daniel jackson' vala argued

'just be quiet for a moment' daniel urged her

'why?'

'because its a prayer'

'whats that?

'it's when someone... um, kind of ask's god a question, or thanks him for something'

'witch god? vala questioned

'the almighty' daniel whispered

'who...anubis?'

'just be quiet and I'll tell you when we get in the car'

'danieelll you know I hate waiting' she whined.

'will you two shut up? jack stated with a glare

'fine but theres no reason to be so rude jack' vala scoffed.

_5 minutes later_

'amen' the church voices rumbled

'what man?' vala asked

'not a man amen...its a way of saying you agree' daniel explained

'you agree with a false god?'

'in our culture its a respect thing' daniel commented

'for a false god?' vala pushed

'vala not everyone knows the truth' sam explained

'why do you wear black to a funeral anyway? she questioned, changing the subject.

'its respectfull' cam added

'theres allot of respect going on here' vala added

'your point?' jack sounded annoyed

'my point..well I dont have one..oh well, blacks flattering' she nodded as she looked downward at her dress, once more distracted.

_on the drive home_

'so explain this prayer concept to me again daniel' vala asked

'ok, when you have a problemb, you ask god to help, you can talk to him, unload our burdens upon him and thank him for the good things in your life...allot of people on earth believe in heven and hell...'

'kebb and natu?' vala likend it to everyday planets

'exactly, when a person dies, the believe god decides where they go, so they prey that their family members get sent to heven'

'yeah but didn't the dead guys family know that their all false god's?

'thats not the point, it's about having faith

daniel explained

'oh...right' vala pretended she understood '...in a false god?'

'no..in yourself I suppose'

'oh, so it's like saying what you want to happen out lound in hopes that, it might actually happen' she understood

'kind of'

'I read a book about that, a positive thinking course thing... I was looking into it for jack...'

'right' daniel was a little puzzled but decided to quit while he was ahead.

_a week or so later. girls locker room_

'I've been praying' vala announced to sam

'why?' she retorted

'daniel said it's a good thing to do...in a round about daniel-ish kind of way.'

'to false gods?' sam thought she must be misunderstanding something.

'that's what I said...but he reckons it's a positive thinking thing...like that book I bought jack'

'oh' sam shook her head..pretending that she was following

'you know, I dont get it, praying to a false god gives you strength...makes no sense.. but I thought I'd try it for two weeks..so far nothing' vala commented as she left the room.

'what the hell? sam questioned to nobody in particular.

'yep she's a strange one' a girl from another team commented.

_In the gate room, ready to embark._

'daniel I don't think it's working' vala whined

'what?' he asked suprised at the fact he was suppost to be following

'the prayer thing'

'what prayer thing?'

'well after the funeral last week I decided to pray, everyday in hopes that I would you know..get faith'

'faith isn't something you can ...get' daniel advised

'why?' she whined

he decided to ignore the question as he gave way to his curiosity. 'what type of things do you pray about?' he asked

'oh depends on the situation...although I never run out of things' vala smiled

'ok..so what types of things would you pray about right now?'

'what I can't just tell you'

'just say a prayer right now' daniel urged

'out loud'

'yep'

'about what?' she asked

'about our mission' he added

'ok...dear false god... please help our mission to go well...help daniel to find some new rocks to play with...I hope I don't sprane my ankle again...when I get home I'd like to win the lottery so that I can go shopping...or can daniel leave his credit card out again..there's a nice dress at the mall I want...also don't make us walk to far today...and I hope we don't stay long enough to have to eat rashions...also lord witch ever one you are..do you mind making yourself available for me to kill you today? thankyou...some men'

'amen' daniel corrected

'oh a men'

'you realize their followers pray for them to live?' cam interupted

'what?'

'while your praying for them to die..their praying for them to live' he explained

'nope I can fix that' vala smiled

'how? cam questioned

vala once more looked heavenward, resuming her conversation with god "...oh, yes! And one more thing, dear Lord. About our enemies - ignore their heathen prayers and help us blow those little bastards straight to hell. Amen... again."

she then looked to cam 'see loophole fixed' she grinned

_later that day_

'you know I have a feeling this prayer thing is beginning to work' vala smiled

'yeah?' sam questioned

'yep today, I ate no rashions, I killed some bad guys, daniel brought back some rocks, and we had a great day..' vala grinned as she pulled daniels credit card out of her vest pocket..

'but you still sprained your ankle again' sam noted with a distinct sighn of laughter in her voice..

'well I did only say beginning'. vala pouted.

_A/N ok so i know it was a wierd subject, but it was the first qoute on my list._

_I'm going to post this fic as complete as each story can be a stand alone one shot._

_but i really want your reviews, and if anyone thinks of a qoute post it on my reviews, and i'll incorporate it into another chapter. thanks for reading. _


	2. Steak out!

_A/N ok so this week's quote is... "If you were waiting for the opportune moment…that was it." - Jack Sparrow, Pirates of the Caribbean_

_And in reply to lovably 17, next chapter quote will be. 'I only buy bonds high tops.'_

_Read enjoy and please review._

**Chapter two**

'I thought we were going out for steak' Vala complained

'No, I said it was a steak out' Daniel barked

'Well that implies were going to eat steak...out'

'Well you didn't have to come' jack acknowledged

'I couldn't let you have all the fun without me' she noted 'I'm bored...'

'Will you be quiet?' Daniel begged

'I can't when I'm bored'

'Then amuse yourself' jack hissed

'I spy with my little eye...something beginning wiiitth...'

'What are you doing?' jack shook his head

'Amusing me' Vala smiled

'Well do it more quietly, were trying to concentrate.'

'Fine' she moaned.

'Ooh doughnuts' Vala ogled Teal'c's box sitting on an empty seat in the back of the van.

'You are most welcome to consume on if you wish' Teal'c nodded

'Thanks' she smiled.

_5 minutes later..._

'Sam play with me?' Vala asked

'Play what?' Sam sighed with incredible patience.

'Eye spy?' Vala suggested

'Ok I spy with my little eye something beginning with D' Sam began

'Doughnuts...way easy' Vala smiled 'ok I spy with my little eye something beginning with...P'

'Paper?' Sam questioned

'Nope'

'Plate?'

'Nope'

'Painting?'

'Not in the car' Vala reprimanded her.

'It seems Cameron Mitchell is returning with the coffee, and bovine lactose refreshments' Teal'c acknowledged as he peered out the back window with his binoculars.

_15 minutes later... _

'Sam are you ever going to get it?' Vala complained

'No I give up!' Sam resigned to the fact that she wouldn't guess it

'A plane' vala smiled victoriously

'A plane what plane? Over there a plane of wood' Vala pointed

'What?' Sam questioned

'It's a pane of wood, Vala' Daniel corrected

'Oh...well it still starts with a p' she noted...

Vala then proceeded to wriggle around trying to stretch her legs in the cramped van.

'Ouch!' jack snapped

'Sorry sorry,' Daniel apologized

'What are you doing throwing coffee at me Daniel?' jack complained as he pulled his shirt away from his skin.

'Sorry, it was an accident, Vala knocked me' Daniel defended himself, looking rather worried, 'are you ok?'

'Don't blame me Daniel Jackson; I'm not the one throwing hot drinks around.'

'Here jack, take your shirt of' Vala suggested as her hands reached for the bottom of his shirt.

'No it's ok Vala,' he battered her hands away, 'it will dry soon' he commented

'Don't be silly it will dry allot quicker off you, wont it Sam?'

'Uhh, I dunno, probably' Sam sounded distracted

'It will...wont it Sam?' Vala looked at her and winked this time.

A few more moments of shuffling and arguing about the shirt passed before Daniel heard a car

'Hey, hey there they go' Daniel sounded both stunned and surprised

'Damn it Vala!' jack jerked his shirt.

Obscenities and disapproving words were directed at Vala for the next twenty minutes.

_Travelling back to the SGC..._

'You know at the end of the steak out?' Vala asked Sam

'Yes?' Sam replied

'Well I have two thoughts, want to know what they are.' Vala asked

'I suppose you're going to tell me regardless' Sam noted

'Well firstly, Daniel must've been a little close to jack to spill his coffee on him, it worries me' Vala thought aloud

'And secondly?' Sam enquired

'You know when I told jack to take his shirt off, to dry?' Vala questioned.

Yes' Sam answered

'And you know the conversation we had about perving on shirtless men yesterday?' Vala continued

'Correction, the conversation you had.'

'Whatever, I got the feeling you were referring to jack'

'And what if I was?' Sam asked

'Nothing it's just... **If you were waiting for the opportune moment…that was it**'

_A/N sorry it took me so long to get this up, hope you enjoyed it and if you want more I want more reviews. :D_


	3. Apologies

Ok I want to sincerely apologize for the length of time between my uploads, I was moving around for a while, but now I'm all back to normal and shall update weekly at least. Currently I am only working on 6 fanfics now, so I should be able to keep on top of them.

Also I now have a blog, I'd love it if you subscribed, you can find the link on my profile page.

Once again sorry for the big gap, but I'll have a new chapter up within 2-3 days, I promise.


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